2009 – will you bring me some zen?

01.02.09 | 3 Comments

When I look back at last year (08), I am absolutely amazed at how much went on. I couldn’t even make a list. Lots of good things and some other no so good things.

I guess without going into too much details, the second half of 2008 was so rich in events that I sort of built up this constant tension. When one thing happens after another, you don’t let yourself relax. Things are much calmer now, yet I have the hardest time to relax. Feeling like I have too much to do, too little time and let it take over my being.

Just lately I’ve been trying to take things with a little perspective. Sort of look at my anxiety from a distance which is sometimes feasible, but sometimes very difficult. I want to calm myself down. That’s my ’09 resolution and also why I’m so happy to let ’08 go. I need to be more attentive to the moment and take things from far away. It may take me all year to accomplish that, or even longer!

The worst part, is that I really love my life! I have everything I need and even more to give away. My brain just keeps me from enjoying it fully by adding soundtracks constantly. Quite useless soundtracks might I add. Shut up brain, give me a break!

And so I’ve decided to lessen my commitments (not that I have many, but the little I do are too much). This way I can start all over again or at least look at things in a different perspective. I want to do things (like blogging) because I want to, rather than because I feel I have to and think it’s been too long since the last post. Dance? No more ties to that either. Only classes on a drop-in basis when I feel like it. Work? Yeah ok, that’s the one commitment I have to keep. Wait, no the other commitment, which doesn’t take any work at all, that I’m definitely keeping, is Justin. The man is such a gem. I am amazed everyday by his heart generosity, understanding, support and the fact that he can take all the very numerous hugs I give him every day.

Man this turn out to be a tear breaker post! But look at it… it’s really positive! I’m making change. Oh and I got a haircut! That’s a different kind of change, but sometimes the outside helps reach the inside.